Monday, February 7, 2011

Only Hope

This semester's been really tough-mostly because I haven't had/made time to do dig into God's word on my own. Until a few weeks ago, it was rare if I opened my bible on my own outside of church or Cru. It's really hard to admit that, but I've learned a lot because of it.

Because I knew I had to share something with the worship team the following week, I forced myself to open up my bible- and it was there that God *shoulda had a V8*ed me. I always thought I had to have everything figured out. I'm on leadership for Cru, active in my church's youth group and learned that I'm a role model to the kids I work with as well as my peers(which is an awesome yet pretty scary thought). I learned how to pray and even speak in from of people, sharing God's word with them. Those prayers, in the moment were heartfelt, but when I left the people, I let go of God's hand, unconsciously thinking that my devotion was done for the day. More than anything I wanted to go home and be by my mom's side (She was hit by a drunk driver a year and a half ago and it's a miracle she's even alive. She's now in the rehab center after having 3 more surgeries on her legs). More than anything I wanted to repair the friendships that had been broken. Both my family and friends had been taken away from me in a sense. Over the past 20 years of my life I feel that I've lost so much- Friends die or drift away, I'm separated from my family. But God's is the only thing that's been constant in my life-helping me though those hard times, even if I couldn't see it at all in that moment.

His love for me has never diminished, but instead, His hand held onto mine tighter as the days went on. Why is it so hard for us to wait upon Him?!

"Rest in me my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your Constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip on My hand holding yours. How foolish you are My child! Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline.Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day."

I'm so amazed...In Sunday school He pointed out my family to me. Not necessarily how much they mean to me, but how much they mean to Him. We looked briefly at the book of Job-the fact that (first off) satan doesn't know everything and can't be everywhere at once. But instead he wanders the earth looking for Godly people to test and try to pull away from God. And like Job, my family stuck out in God's eyes. (Job 1:8) And God knew us- each one of us. And gave satan permission to TRY to tempt us. He knew that man driving the car-every surgery my mom went though- every tear and ache our hearts felt, every step my mom takes and every moment of sleep my father misses. Every though and nightmare of me and my siblings. Every moment we're together and every moment we're apart. But I rest in knowing that though all of this, we'll always be made stronger-For what kind of father doesn't discipline a child he loves?

"And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, 'My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
   and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
   and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live" ~Hebrews 12:5-9

Wow. That was a lot. haha Sorry for it being so long guys :)

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