Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Seeing Hope Rising

God's so great!

Spring break is over-but man was it a long journey. Some people got to go to Florida, or the Dominican Republic-even Germany, but my parents and I spent the week in the Leigh Valley Hospital.
Mom had a (what we all hoped and prayed would be the last) surgery on her left leg on Monday. So Dad came up to Mansfield to get me on Saturday and I drove home (scary I know :P ) and Sunday morning we were at mom's side in the rehab center. Bright and early Monday morning, we packed up her room and transferred her over to the hospital for surgery #1. Five hours passed and I tried everything to distract dad from worrying. And after 20 years of wondering, he told me his and mom's story-how they met, how he persopsed, the wedding, and us kids. The whole nine yards :P It's always nice to know :) Anyway, the doctor came out and told us he wasn't as pleased with the way it looked as he thought he would be. So he took bone and tissue samples and sent them away to see if they were still infected and put another antibiotic rod in for the mean time. We were all kinda bummed. Mom took it better than we all thought she would, but still-we all just wanted it to be over so we could move on.

The next 3 days (Tuesday-Thursday) Dad and I spent 6-9 hours with mom. Saw to many doctors, nurses and specialists to count.

Then, Hope came in the room and told us, Mom was infection free :D God's so great-surgery #2 (of that weekend) was on Friday morning and the permanent rod was put in. She was discharged from the hospital yesterday and will be on her way home as early as Saturday. God really performed a miracle in my family-30 surgeries in 2 years, my dad stood by my mom the whole time, and God's been with us all-even though the darkest points.

Hope-confident expectation of future events based on the promises of God

God's got you too :) 

"But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Going Home

It's only 4 weeks or so into the semester and it seems to be going by so slowly! It's been hard being away from my parents and brother-especially knowing that mom's been having surgeries and dad was getting sick. Talking to them can only do so much. It's funny though...being home isn't what I thought it was going to be. I did get to see my mom-everyday this weekend, yet she's been so distant. She wouldn't let me hug her yesterday or today and seemed more excited to see Gibbs-our dog today than she was to see me. I know it's not like that and it's something satan's using to try and bring me down... I'm trying soooo hard not to let it affect me.

It's late- and I'm really fighting this. Feeling alone. And a young girl from the youth group I work with asked me about demons. She told me how satan's really been after her. There has been demons in her room, scaring her. She grabs her bible, blasts Chris Tomlin's music and prays and commands them away. It frightens her! And who can blame her! But one thing I found myself talking to her- this is how it went down :P

" Me:we all go though this- in some way shape or form.
just think- satan's WORRIED BECAUSE we're STRONG in our faith and CLOSE to God.
isn't that an awesome thought
Yeah, but I kinda wish he'd over looked me :\ I know it's horrible, because we're supposed to love being tested, take joy in it. I've always had such strong faith nothing's shook me that much, but this is so unlike anything. This isn't worldly...
Me:don't you see?! God's using YOU in increadable ways!! when satan went up to heaven, you found favor in God's eyes- read Job 1:6-12. and replace Job's name with your own.
You found favor in God's eyes. Just because we're called to take joy in our sufferings, that doesn't mean we have to be happy. there's a difference!
I honestly don't think Paul was smiling when he was beaten and stoned for his faith. but he rested in God during those trials."
It took a while for those word- the ones just said to sink in in my mind. We ALL go through tough times, but the thing is, those will only draw us closer to Christ. AND "God won't bring you to it, if His Spirit won't lead you though it." We have fond favor in God's eyes- and we've brought God glory in a way that makes satan nervous. Talk about AWESOME!

Take heart- for GOD has overcome the world!!!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Only Hope

This semester's been really tough-mostly because I haven't had/made time to do dig into God's word on my own. Until a few weeks ago, it was rare if I opened my bible on my own outside of church or Cru. It's really hard to admit that, but I've learned a lot because of it.

Because I knew I had to share something with the worship team the following week, I forced myself to open up my bible- and it was there that God *shoulda had a V8*ed me. I always thought I had to have everything figured out. I'm on leadership for Cru, active in my church's youth group and learned that I'm a role model to the kids I work with as well as my peers(which is an awesome yet pretty scary thought). I learned how to pray and even speak in from of people, sharing God's word with them. Those prayers, in the moment were heartfelt, but when I left the people, I let go of God's hand, unconsciously thinking that my devotion was done for the day. More than anything I wanted to go home and be by my mom's side (She was hit by a drunk driver a year and a half ago and it's a miracle she's even alive. She's now in the rehab center after having 3 more surgeries on her legs). More than anything I wanted to repair the friendships that had been broken. Both my family and friends had been taken away from me in a sense. Over the past 20 years of my life I feel that I've lost so much- Friends die or drift away, I'm separated from my family. But God's is the only thing that's been constant in my life-helping me though those hard times, even if I couldn't see it at all in that moment.

His love for me has never diminished, but instead, His hand held onto mine tighter as the days went on. Why is it so hard for us to wait upon Him?!

"Rest in me my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking My Spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your Constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip on My hand holding yours. How foolish you are My child! Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline.Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me all day, every day."

I'm so amazed...In Sunday school He pointed out my family to me. Not necessarily how much they mean to me, but how much they mean to Him. We looked briefly at the book of Job-the fact that (first off) satan doesn't know everything and can't be everywhere at once. But instead he wanders the earth looking for Godly people to test and try to pull away from God. And like Job, my family stuck out in God's eyes. (Job 1:8) And God knew us- each one of us. And gave satan permission to TRY to tempt us. He knew that man driving the car-every surgery my mom went though- every tear and ache our hearts felt, every step my mom takes and every moment of sleep my father misses. Every though and nightmare of me and my siblings. Every moment we're together and every moment we're apart. But I rest in knowing that though all of this, we'll always be made stronger-For what kind of father doesn't discipline a child he loves?

"And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, 'My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
   and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
   and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.' Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live" ~Hebrews 12:5-9

Wow. That was a lot. haha Sorry for it being so long guys :)